What is Communication? Why communicate? How do we communicate?

At the base, heart-of-the-matter level, communication starts from Self. It starts with ‘me’.

This past week I was in a Course Design Institute. It was an intense five full days of thinking through course design, or re-design, mainly for post-secondary courses. Many of the concepts and thoughts - such as designing learning outcomes, thinking about assessment, etc. were review for me. However, I really enjoyed specific focus on a particular course - interpersonal communication - and the opportunity to ‘crowd-source’ from the other participants in the design institute.

I chose to redesign and rethink a course on “Interpersonal Communication”. It wasn’t necessarily one particular course, but a combination of several I have delivered and facilitated over the years in a variety of contexts and programs (face-to-face and online). I have delivered college and university level courses on Interpersonal Communication and Conflict as part of human resources programs, tourism program, and as Continuing Education courses.

Many of the concepts, activities and exercises were also at the heart of a course and training program that I was engaged in developing and piloting for several years focussed on the concepts of cultural safety and cultural humility within healthcare. Intertwined with that program development was anti-racism training, anti-discrimination, intercultural communication, and a variety of linked concepts and processes.

The first exercise on the first day of the course design institute was to develop an initial concept map of the course that each individual intended to work on throughout the five days. Below is my initial crack at the main concepts within a course on “interpersonal communication”.

Concept map for course on Interpersonal Communication: Day 1.

At the end of the first day, we presented our draft initial concept maps to the rest of the group, with an opportunity to receive some feedback, critique, suggestions or otherwise. My initial high-level concepts included:

Communication- What does it mean?
Self: intra-personal communication
Others: including one’s perception of others; and their perception of us.
Language(s) (including types)
Non-verbal communication
Emotions
Listening
Context(s) and Environment(s)
Conflict & communication.

There was agreement that these seemed to be the main concepts. Do you think there are others?

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Over the next few days, the draft concept map evolved. The concepts informed the design of proposed learning outcomes, activities to meet the learning outcomes, and assessment and evaluation activities to support learners in reaching and exceeding the proposed learning outcomes.

I began overlaying the concepts on an adapted version of Urie Bronfenbrenner’s ecological systems framework for human development. This model was initially developed in the 1970s, and then went through various iterations up until the early 2000s. It was intended to represent child and human development within complex personal, social, and ecological systems, and across time/history.

Essentially, humans live within complex systems and each layer or set of factors within the systems impacts development, behaviour, values, relationships, etc.

To illustrate a simple example, starting at the outermost circle in the concept map above, within Canada, schooling is mandatory, by legislation. As per the Constitution of Canada, education is a provincial responsibility. In BC where my kids go to school, the Province funds school boards which run the schools (institutions) and sets the overall curriculum (social systems). These are delivered in particular languages (English), and there is a requirement to have some knowledge of the other ‘official’ language (French). These are dictated by legislation - an impact of Structures.

Each day of the week my kids attend school, and interact with others (peers, teachers, administrators, bus drivers, etc.). They are being socialized within systems and structures. Within the school many different cultures and subcultures are represented. This represents the range of interpersonal and intercultural relationships and communication. At the core of this is each individual Self.

The Self has a range of intra-personal (internal) relationships. At the core of Self, especially for younger people, are the interplay of hormones, social development, values development, behaviour, social control (e.g. schedules, expectations, grading, etc.), peer influences, family influence, and so on.

All of this is no different for all individuals, from young to elderly. We are constantly in a soup of interconnected systems, contexts, and environments - with most influencing and impacting our daily lives. These shift and rattle over time.

Yet, searching through many courses on ‘interpersonal communication’ this interplay of multiple systems and influences is rarely explored and highlighted with much depth. This despite the fact that a commonly used textbook is called “Interplay”.

Also missing, or not very well highlighted, is the simplest of facts; all communication starts from the Self. It starts with me… it starts with you. It starts at the Intra-; the internal.

In the final paper version of my concept map, I tried to capture that (below).

The name of the course has gone through some iterations, and continues to. At this point “Respectful Communication: It starts with me” is sticking.

The orange notes are the initial concepts, which stretch as continuums across the systems. I also added a more 3-D layer on the outside, which is Time-History. Similarly, Bronfenbrenner had added this level to his social ecological systems model later on after his initial iterations.

Things change over time, and affect how we communicate. For example, consider the evolution of case law and legislation around same sex marriage, and how that is communicated. Things changed over time, the structures have shifted, the ‘institution’ of marriage has shifted, how others communicate has shifted, and the internal (intra-) components have shifted, and continue to shift.

The black and yellow intertwining was my attempt at demonstrating how all of these systems and layers are interlinked within communication and conflict - essentially like a thread throughout keeping things connected.

The yellow-green notes begin to add some depth to each component. For example, at the core of communication (and conflict) is Self including: values, identity, personality. These also change over time and across each layer.

Each of these factors is influenced by Others (e.g. family, friends, peers, teachers, colleagues, the Internet, etc.). These are also influenced by the social systems one interacts with on a daily basis, within social structures. For example, what is the religion that most dominates in Canada, and influences legislation? Think about what particular religious days are recognized as statutory holidays.

This also changes over time - thus the large black arrow across the entire set of systems. And, the process of intra-personal communication within the Self is a constantly circulating process - even while one sleeps.

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The final draft for the course design institute in digital form is the image at the beginning of this post. This is what I presented on the final day (below).

“Respectful Communication: It starts with me” - Concept map.

Next steps are to move from draft form to more solid form. I’m beginning to lay this out as an online course that I hope to pilot and run through some iterations.

At the heart of this: I have found that far too many courses on “Interpersonal Communication” focus on the ‘others’ realm and a few shallower components of the Self, such as ‘listening’ and thinking about body language and other non-verbal communication such as awareness of emotions. However, it seems this falls to an other-bias, because each course is designed from someone looking mainly outwards. Maybe that’s because thinking about one’s own body language is quite difficult, as we’re not looking in a mirror while interacting with other people.

It is a simpler process to identify body language, emotions, and non-verbal language in other people; rather than ourselves. One’s eyes and ears tend to dominate what’s going on - as opposed to self-reflection and self-awareness in the moment. Or, a very challenging step, asking someone we are interacting with what they are seeing and hearing.

There is a growing variety of courses and focus on things such as anti-racism, intercultural communication, cultural safety and humility, responding to the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) Calls to Action, equity-diversity-inclusion, and so on.

These are important; however, I have heard from many colleagues over the years, something to the effect of: “OK, I have a better understanding of the concepts and the issues… but what do I do with this information? How do I communicate across these challenges? What do I do, when I’m right in the middle of an interaction and these are fully on the table?”

Or, from other folks with similar identities as me; white Settler male, or female, “I was accused of being racist…” or, “I was accused of discrimination… what do I do now? How do I communicate within this tense situations?”

The tools for tense and/or complex situations will always cycle back to the Self that is in that situation. What is going on inside me? What can I do here?

Before one can move to begin to ‘understand’ or comprehend or empathize with another, there needs to be a process of self-awareness, self-reflection, and self-identity. Much of this can occur before certain situations, through self-reflection, through coaching, through learning and courses and awareness building. However, in the heat of moments, the ability to be respectful and empathetic also takes practice and tools.

It is important to recognize that the person, or people, across from me seem to be expressing heightened emotions, anger even; however, what can I, and must I do, to be able to communicate respectfully across that situation?

Contemplating the intermeshed impacts of systems and structures will assist. Engaging in deeper processes of intra-personal communication with the Self will much better prepare one to engage in tense, conflict situations.

Conflict is important - critical even. However, navigating, managing, and working through it in respectful ways is vital. Staying connected with one’s own personal values, identity, socialization, and being able to self-disclose in particular ways is at the heart of effective and respectful communication with one’s self, with others, and across systems and structures.

Respectful Communication: It starts with me.

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What do you think of that title?

What is one of the best courses or training you’ve done on interpersonal communication? Why was it so good?

What are some poor courses that you did? Why were they not so good?

Are there concepts you feel are missing from this concept map?

I hope to continue to crowd-source this course development. Stay tuned for delivery platform(s).

Course concept. "Respectful Communication: It starts with me."

Dissent is diversity - not conformity.

Decolonize is a term sliding into a meaningless abyss- (thanks to post-secondary institutions?)